Butterflies in My Belly

I am almost 99.9% sure that I felt the baby moving today. I was sitting at my desk and I felt this little fluttering sensation in my belly. It only lasted a few seconds but then it happened again a few minutes later. I don't want to get to excited only to find out its gas but I am pretty sure that's a baby moving.

I was going in for a sequential screening this week but found out that my insurance will not cover it so now I need to wait until the 15th for my next appt. Because I will only be 15 wks at that point and Dr. Ott will not allow another ultrasound until I'm 18 to 22 weeks, I'm assuming I will have to wait until October for my next ultrasound to see how baby is doing and find out what the gender is. Oooh I cannot wait! I was even toying around with the idea of paying the $90 to go to a 4D imaging facility to get a gender scan done. I know I shouldn't just blow my money on it but the anticipation is killing me!

I'm leaving on a long 10hr drive to WI on Friday and the length of the drive is making me nervous. I drove 6 hours today for a meeting and my legs swelled up like a balloon and my lady bits hurt like crazy from sitting so long (never expected that one). I know I need to stop every few hours but that's alot of stopping. It will probably take me 12 hours to get to the campsite.

In other interesting news, I notice a few weeks ago that my jerk-off manager wasn't wearing his wedding ring but didn't think all that much of it until I started to get other nosy co-workers stopping at my desk to ask me about it. Like he would ever tell me? I just pretended like I didn't notice that he wasn't wearing the ring and didn't know anything about it. But then it all came together in my mind when our remaining HR lady pulled me aside and asked what I knew about the managers divorce and if I saw him canoodling with the old intern again.

(Little background information for my new followers: The first week I started here, about three yrs ago, manager was gone on his honeymoon, but when he came back it was clear he was having an affair with our intern. After 2yrs, intern finally got fired and began working for our client.)

The "come to jesus meeting" that occured last week included a discussion about how this project isn't a party and that the client's staff and our staff should not be going out drinking together and that it should stop immediately. I wasn't completely sure what that mean't because I clearly am not in the position to be going out and drinking so that led me to believe it had to do with the manager and possibly the ex-intern but there were other people at the clients office that could be part of these shananigans. If the client was getting mad about it, he must have heard some of the gossip that was coming out of these little drinking sessions.

At the little outing we did at the beginning of the month where a few of the clients staff members indicated that the manager was talking crap about me, they pointed over to the manager who was at the time across the room, giggling and whispering into the interns ear. Also that night, I drove over to the outing with the manager and he had mentioned how much he had been going out and drinking with the intern and another one of the clients staff member (a guy). I thought it was odd that a married guy would go out that often without his wife going or getting mad but I didn't comment on it.

Although we may never know why the manager and his soon to be ex-wife's marriage dissolved. It would not surprise me at all to find out that the intern had something to do with it. The manager thought he was doing a great job hiding the affair from the bosses at work for a few years but would a wife really not notice that he had the intern over for "lunch" everyday except the days when the wife was home? Would she not see the text messages from the intern? Or find it odd that he had a lot of nights where we had to work late or come to work on the weekends but that all stopped when the intern got fired?

With the way the HR person asked me about the situation, I got the distinct feeling it was not for gossip reasons. It makes me wonder if the head of our company is finally on to him and about to do something. Only time will tell. I've gotten my hopes up before and nothing was ever done about the situation. If there is a 1.4 million dollar contract on the line, will they do something? All I got to say is the guy is slime. I hope he gets whatever he deserves.

196 Days to Go!

My baby widget actually looks like a cute baby!!

I thought I would take my first shot at creating a baby registry, which then turned into a baby registry at BRU, Target and Amazon. I think I have everything I need on them. Since I have already purchased so much for the baby already and my registry was looking pretty sparse, I decided to register for a couple things I know I would need a little later on like a convertible car seat (I already have an infant carrier), little children books, and a highchair that changes into a booster seat. I'm not sure if this is bad baby registery etiquette but oh well.

Since the online registry put me in the mood for some serious shopping and everyone is so convinced I'm having a girl, I decided to hit the clearance rack at Kohl's. All I got to say is I am going to feel sooo guilty if I find out that I having a boy because I just bought 12 3-6mos baby girl summer outfits for $60. I'm keeping all the tags on and have stored it all with the receipt. Then, if I have to return it later, it won't be a big deal.

My co-worker said that she found out the sex of the baby while getting a 4-d ultrasound at 14 and half weeks. Is this really possible? I know I have probably said in previous posts that I was thinking about not finding out the sex of the baby but I have totally changed my mind. Now I can't wait to find out! I will blame that one on my raging hormones :)

First Visit to My OB

I have finally been released to my OB!! I will still have to report to the RE in a week to do a follow up on my cerclage but when the OB checked me today she said it looked like everything has healed nicely.

Damn this appointment was long and chalk-full of information. TG I've done a ridiculous amount of reading on pregnancy or I would never remember half of what she talked to me about. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get another ultrasound (yes I have been severely spoiled by my RE) but they are sending me in for the sequential screening sometime next week which will include bloodwork and ultrasound so I will get my baby fix:)

I can't wait for labor day weekend to get here! I haven't been to Wisconsin to see my family since Christmas and I miss them all like crazy. They always know how to have a good time full of laughs and debauchery. It will be a weekend of camping, hiking, shopping and gambling. Hope I win some big money because I've been eyeing up a bumbleride indie stroller.

I'm sorry for all the bitchy post about my job. I am becoming the one of those people that I hate because they ruin everyones mood because they have a negative attitude. I've applied for several jobs this week and really hope I get this one position in Denver. Although it's further away from my parents, I think I have enough friends and cousins currently living there that I wont miss them as much. Plus there is so much to do there!! Crossing my fingers!

Cerclage

I had my cerclage put in on wednesday. I got to the hospital at 5:45am and filled out some basic paperwork and then was sent to the pre-op area, a private room with the most comfortable reclining chair known to man. I seriously wanted to take this chair home with me!! The nurses briefly went over the game plan for the day and took me into the bathroom where I changed into a gown, compression hosiery and grippy socks. I also had to use this warm cloth with some stinging soap to wash from my belly down to my lady bits. I sat and watched TV with my HR lady/friend who kept me company while waiting to go back. About 7:45 the anesthesiologist arrived and told me he would prefer not to put me under general anest. but use a spinal instead for the safety of the baby. I'm not afraid of needles but I wasn't really excited to know that a spinal required a minimum of 6 hours in recovery.

At 8am they walked me back to the operating room. I panicked for a split second as I walked into the room but the nursing staff was awesome and kept me entertained. They had me sit on the operating table, hunching my back as the Dr. performed the spinal. It stung a little like a bee sting, then there was pressure and then everything was fine again. As they asked me to lay down, I could already feel my left leg beginning to numb. By the time my legs where put in the stirrups, I could barely feel or move anything below my belly. The procedure took about 30 minutes. The anesthesiologist kept asking if I was ok and then would go back to telling jokes and sharing this wild story about a concert he recently attended. I kept laughing and then my Dr, Dr. B. who was working at the other end of the table would have to tell me to stop laughing because he didn't want to put a stich in the wrong place.

When it was all done and over with they rolled me back onto a gurney and took me to a recovery area hidden behind some curtains. They asked me if I could feel anything and to try to move my toes. It was the oddest thing trying to tell your feet to move and seeing no movement. One of the side affects of the spinal is feeling cold. The nurse was awesome and kept bringing me heated blankets. They wrapped them all over my body and around my head. Around 9:30 they brought me into an actual recovery room. They had to keep checking to make sure I wasn't bleeding too much or had any cramping. Both the cramping and bleeding were incredibly mild. I was so nervous the night before that I only slept for a few hours so I decided my time in recovery would be devoted to catching a few z's. If I wasn't woken every 30 minutes to have a wound check, I was woken by the alarm of my heart rate dropping. The nurse would have to run in and tell me to take a deep breath. I don't know if this a side affect of the surgery or if I might be having a little sleep apne problem. The nurse didn't seem to concerned about it so maybe this is a common problem.

By 10am I could start moving my right leg at my hip socket but still couldn't feel my feet. By noon I could move both legs but couldn't move my toes and I still couldn't feel my pelvic area or my tooshy. By 1pm I was getting antsy to leave so I kind of told a little white lie and said I thought I could feel everything and that I thought I could go to the bathroom (They wont let you leave until you pee). When I stood up, I was like bambi on the frozen pond. It was pretty funny. With a little help, I made it down the hallway to the bathrom. Although I really couldn't feel myself peeing, I got enough out to make the nurse give the thumbs up to go home. By 2pm I tasted freedom and went home with the help of a couple of friends.

I slept for the rest of the afternoon and spent the evening on the couch. I was given instructions that stated bed rest for two days and no driving. I haven't had any cramping since leaving the hospital but my lady bits are a bit sore but it's nothing I can't handle.

While I was gone, my boss got a "come to Jesus moment" provided by our client. They are not happy with our performance or are knowledge of how to run this type of project. This wasn't surprising to me knowing that my manager has been lying consistantly about his skills and knowledge level. I don't think we are in danger of losing the project but if my manager and boss don't snap to it in the next couple of weeks, I can easily see it going in that direction. All I got to say is I was glad I wasn't here for that conversation. I got a watered down version of the talk from my boss. I know it's watered down because one of the staff members of our client told me what was going on and what was said. I think it's humerous that my boss is still trying to tone down the severity of the conversation. It's like he didn't hear what they were saying. Sounds rather familiar to my own situation. Sinking ship, that's all this is. Can I save it? Probably not on my own but then again at this point I don't see why it's worth it anymore. I'm going to start sending out resumes this weekend, lets hope I can get a job that isn't as messed up as this one.

Somethings Are Too Messed Up for Words

Our HR lady, who has been an incredible help to me, announced her resignation today. I've known that it would eventually come to this but I was hoping that it wouldn't be this soon. She thankfully is moving on to what appears to be a much better job so I'm incredibly happy for her but I'm also fearful of what's going to happen after she's gone. In the beginning she gave me hope that the situation with my deparment would get better but after seeing how she was treated when she showed upper management the countless of pages of documentation on the harrassment and mismanagement my manager and intern participated in, I've lost that hope.

I want out. But I feel trapped.

Manager blantantly lied about his ability to do a certain type of planning technique to our boss last week. He attended a 1 hour webinar on it a few months ago....with me. At that time he had never even heard of this technique before. Now he's saying that he has used it numerous of times before. My mouth dropped open when he said it. The boss is going to have him work directly with the "father" of this technique so his lack of real knowledge of the topic is going to be really apparent when they sit down together. I'm still stunned but saying something is pointless and I'm sure it will bite him in the ass in the long run.

More messed up was he must have been trash talking about me with a client. We had a big event for this client last wednesday. After the event we went out to grab some drinks (I obviously was a spectator). The crowd kind of thinned out and I was joking around and talking to a couple of the client's office workers when one of them told me they were glad to finally talk to me and that I am completely different than what that blond haired kid made me out to be (pointing at my manager who was talking to the old intern across the room). I said thank you, unsure of what else to say. I didn't want stay on that topic, I don't think you should air office problems in front of a client so I didn't really say anything after that. The conversation got kind of awkward with silence but eventually the conversation moved to talking about kids and family. I left shortly afterwards.

Things are just never going to change so I know I need to start coming up with some sort of exit strategy. But how do I do that with a baby on the way? The economy is in the shitter and jobs are getting fairly scarce in my field. I'm scared.

5th Ultrasound and Other tidbits (10w0d)

I had my 5th ultrasound on Wednesday. Cricket was dancing all around with his/her hands up in the air,feet straight out and booty wiggling. It was so cute! Heartrate was 174.

For the most part, my pregnancy symptoms have been nil, but from thursday to saturday, I had some pretty horrible bouts of nausea. I think I did a good job hiding it while I was at work but by friday afternoon it had gotten so bad that I gave up mid-day and went home. I've been 100% better today so I am hoping the last few days were just a fluke.

I broke down and started wearing maternity clothes this last week. Using a bella band works with some of my non-maternity clothes, but I'm always worried that my pants will somehow fall off. The maternity clothes are kind of big on me but they are so damn comfortable! I'm plus size and it has been incredible difficult to find cute/dressy maternity clothes. I think if I ever run into some serious cash, I'm going to start my own plus-size maternity line.

The date of my cerclage is approaching rapidly. This has been the first pregnancy related event that has made me more aware of my smc status. The pre-op nurse asked me if my significant other would be taking care of me the day of the procedure. I kept it simple and told her a friend would be helping me instead. But I was kind of lying to the nurse.

I asked a co-worker to drive me to and from the hospital. Unfortunately, I feel this ridiculous need to prove my independence so I told her, against the doctor's instructions, that I didn't need her to stay with me after she brought me home. I'm kind of scared about the whole day and I'm now regretting saying that. I know it should be ok for me to ask for help, but I can't seem to get away from needing to prove that I can do this all on my own. It's how I've always been (I don't want to be a burden), but going the SMC route, I feel like I just have more to prove. Has anyone else felt this way?