I'm still not sure how it happened, but my whole work situation seems to be the hot gossip topic. The only person who I told was a co-worker in another department who hasn't been at work to talk to anyone else about it. Could it be HR, the Manager, or the Boss? Regardless, People Please Shut UP!! It's just going to make the situation worse!
Our workplace gossip queen approached me first thing this morning to congratulate me on my big win. I had no idea what the heck she was talking about and then she said "You know what I'm congratulating you about" wink wink. I appreciate the support and it is a vindicating feeling to know so many other people have seen what has been going on and knew it was wrong but please let's have a little more tact. I still denied knowing what she was talking about because, at that point, other people were catching on to the conversation, waiting like dogs for a treat. If anyone gets any sense that I am gloating, I will be doomed. Hoped I played it cool enough.
Manager has been incredibly nice and friendly. It has been a nice turn of events. Hopefully this leads to a stress free cycle next month. NEXT MONTH!! Whew it's coming up fast. I also just discovered that my RE hired a part time acupuncturist who specializes in womens health and fertility. I really hope I can try it.
Funny story. I was just talking to the CEO of our company talking about the Packers big win (I'm Wisconsin girl and ya gotta root for the Pack, ya der hey). When I turned to leave I walked directly into the wall! Man, I am such a ditz! We both just laughed and then I left.....carefully. I wonder if I left an imprint of my face in his wall? :)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Not through the woods yet
After all the drama the last few days and the it all coming to an end yesterday I would have thought I would of slept like a baby. Instead I slept for three hours, spending the rest of the time having some pretty insane internal dialogue. Even though he came clean with everything I'm still upset that he used the excuse that he didn't know he was in charge of me. I know I should just let it go but it just pisses me off because he time and time again has told me that he is the project manager and that these are his decisions and that he doesn't care to hear my input. So why the sudden change? It just doesn't make sense to come clean on all of the other stuff only to come up with some lame ass excuse for the little stuff.
Just let it go Lorelei.
The bottle of wine was good last night. I probably should have stop at the second glass like I intended but it was a good chardonnay and I know if I would have capped it, it would have just gone bad in my fridge. So I curled up and watched the last two episodes of the bachelor that I DVR'd. Damn, Brad's a hottie but some of those girls are CRAZY!! If I acted like some of these girls do on the show, I would be ashamed of myself and embarassed for my family. PICK ME BRAD!!
Just let it go Lorelei.
The bottle of wine was good last night. I probably should have stop at the second glass like I intended but it was a good chardonnay and I know if I would have capped it, it would have just gone bad in my fridge. So I curled up and watched the last two episodes of the bachelor that I DVR'd. Damn, Brad's a hottie but some of those girls are CRAZY!! If I acted like some of these girls do on the show, I would be ashamed of myself and embarassed for my family. PICK ME BRAD!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Crazy Week...and It's Only Wed!
This has been a roller coaster of a week and I need to vent. I was out of the office for a meeting on Monday and clearly was not prepared to be thrown under the bus on Tuesday morning.
I walked in an immediately got pulled in to a meeting by the big boss and the manager. Both sat facing directly at me, kind of intimidating. As usual, the manager was trying to save his ass by putting the blame on me for going over budget on our latest project. The funniest part (not so funny, just sad and pathetic) I discovered a few months ago that we were missing a large element in our project but he insisted on doing it because this was HIS project and HE was going to prove that HE is a good manager. During that time I had no work for over a month so I sat around twiddling my thumbs, charging time to a project I was not allowed to work on although I was suppose to be according to the uppers, eating the budget. After a month of begging for work I finally got an insane pile of work to do and of course, that's when he decided he was going to pass the buck to me. I said I would try to get to it but I was swamped. He kept asking me to get it done and I said I didn't have time. Last week he said he had to have it done on Friday, but again, I said I haven't worked on it and I don't have time so he got pissed. So during this surprise attack he stated that I was refusing to do the work he requested for me to do. HUH?? Then he says he hasn't had any work to do and that I should of told him because he could of done it all. REALLY??? How many times do I need to tell you??
After this I said flat out "I feel like I'm being thrown under the bus". And they both said no, no and that it wasn't like that all. The rest of the conversation was a blur, I was just fuming. Of course by the time I got to my desk I was bawling my eyes out. I don't think I got any sleep last night I was so upset and mad so I decided to do something about it.
I get the feeling like the boss only as heard one side of the story so I sent him an email pleading my case, including dates, times, and previous emails of conversations that supported the truth. I'm so glad I do everything in emails!!
He took the two of us out for lunch today to work things out and the results were amazing! I'm still in shock. I'm evil, but I did the same thing he did to me. I turned in my seat so I was directly facing him, as if to say "I am not putting up with your shit anymore". Before anything was said by the other two, I stated three ideas I thought we could use to make us more profitable and stay within our budget, which seemed to make the boss man happy and I know I would be a lot happier if we use them too. I thought this would be a good positive topic to start with however it seemed to make the manager more nervous and agitated. From there we went for the heavy hitting topics. I knew the manager is incredibly insecure but I never thought he would admit this was the main cause of all our problems. Next to immediately, the manager started to tear up and admitted he has been purposely not teaching me anything for the last year and half because he was afraid I was going to take his job. He also admitted that he is jealous of the recent accalaides I've received and he just wants to prove that he can do his job better than me so he has been purposely making it look like I've been making a ton of mistakes. He said it pisses him off that everyone comes to me instead of him for answers even though he has more experience. He thinks everyone in the office hates him because of the intern situation from last year. Finally he said he thought because I am ONE year older that people had more respect for me than him (REALLY??? come on, that's BS). He also recognized that nearly all of his issues stem from his own insecurities and that he knows that this has nothing to do with me but he realizes he takes it out on me on a regular basis. It kind of turned into a pitty party.
The look on the bosses face during all of this was priceless, although I'm sure mine showed how shocked I was. I still cannot believe he came clean! I once again indicated I did not have any intention on taking his job. I told him I think he could be a great manager, he just has a lot to learn and then asked him what I can do to help him gain his confidence back. I thing the crazy part of all of this is at one point he pretended like he didn't know that he was above me!! Madness I tell you!
PLEASE LET THIS BE THE END!!!
I was still kind of hoping they would just transfer me so I can work under someone else, but hopefully this will do and things will get better. I think I'm going to enjoy a bottle of wine tonight. Yes folks, I said a bottle :)
56 days till my next TTC cycle!!!
I walked in an immediately got pulled in to a meeting by the big boss and the manager. Both sat facing directly at me, kind of intimidating. As usual, the manager was trying to save his ass by putting the blame on me for going over budget on our latest project. The funniest part (not so funny, just sad and pathetic) I discovered a few months ago that we were missing a large element in our project but he insisted on doing it because this was HIS project and HE was going to prove that HE is a good manager. During that time I had no work for over a month so I sat around twiddling my thumbs, charging time to a project I was not allowed to work on although I was suppose to be according to the uppers, eating the budget. After a month of begging for work I finally got an insane pile of work to do and of course, that's when he decided he was going to pass the buck to me. I said I would try to get to it but I was swamped. He kept asking me to get it done and I said I didn't have time. Last week he said he had to have it done on Friday, but again, I said I haven't worked on it and I don't have time so he got pissed. So during this surprise attack he stated that I was refusing to do the work he requested for me to do. HUH?? Then he says he hasn't had any work to do and that I should of told him because he could of done it all. REALLY??? How many times do I need to tell you??
After this I said flat out "I feel like I'm being thrown under the bus". And they both said no, no and that it wasn't like that all. The rest of the conversation was a blur, I was just fuming. Of course by the time I got to my desk I was bawling my eyes out. I don't think I got any sleep last night I was so upset and mad so I decided to do something about it.
I get the feeling like the boss only as heard one side of the story so I sent him an email pleading my case, including dates, times, and previous emails of conversations that supported the truth. I'm so glad I do everything in emails!!
He took the two of us out for lunch today to work things out and the results were amazing! I'm still in shock. I'm evil, but I did the same thing he did to me. I turned in my seat so I was directly facing him, as if to say "I am not putting up with your shit anymore". Before anything was said by the other two, I stated three ideas I thought we could use to make us more profitable and stay within our budget, which seemed to make the boss man happy and I know I would be a lot happier if we use them too. I thought this would be a good positive topic to start with however it seemed to make the manager more nervous and agitated. From there we went for the heavy hitting topics. I knew the manager is incredibly insecure but I never thought he would admit this was the main cause of all our problems. Next to immediately, the manager started to tear up and admitted he has been purposely not teaching me anything for the last year and half because he was afraid I was going to take his job. He also admitted that he is jealous of the recent accalaides I've received and he just wants to prove that he can do his job better than me so he has been purposely making it look like I've been making a ton of mistakes. He said it pisses him off that everyone comes to me instead of him for answers even though he has more experience. He thinks everyone in the office hates him because of the intern situation from last year. Finally he said he thought because I am ONE year older that people had more respect for me than him (REALLY??? come on, that's BS). He also recognized that nearly all of his issues stem from his own insecurities and that he knows that this has nothing to do with me but he realizes he takes it out on me on a regular basis. It kind of turned into a pitty party.
The look on the bosses face during all of this was priceless, although I'm sure mine showed how shocked I was. I still cannot believe he came clean! I once again indicated I did not have any intention on taking his job. I told him I think he could be a great manager, he just has a lot to learn and then asked him what I can do to help him gain his confidence back. I thing the crazy part of all of this is at one point he pretended like he didn't know that he was above me!! Madness I tell you!
PLEASE LET THIS BE THE END!!!
I was still kind of hoping they would just transfer me so I can work under someone else, but hopefully this will do and things will get better. I think I'm going to enjoy a bottle of wine tonight. Yes folks, I said a bottle :)
56 days till my next TTC cycle!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Move it along Sister!
I finally made the commitment to start trying again and know I can afford to start at the end of March but it seems so far away! Why can't I just magically receive $1000 now so I can get this show back on the road? Maybe the tax man will be good to me this year.
The anticipation is slowly starting to get to me. I keep finding myself on the baby center website oohing and aahing at all the birth anouncements and reading the newest post on the SMC-trying webpage when I should be focusing on work.
The anticipation is slowly starting to get to me. I keep finding myself on the baby center website oohing and aahing at all the birth anouncements and reading the newest post on the SMC-trying webpage when I should be focusing on work.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Back from Vacation
The cruise was exactly what I needed. From beginning to end, the trip was great. Great weather, great food, great islands. I absolutely loved the serenity deck they had on the ship. I especially loved the fact that I didn't need to fight for a lounge chair during the at-sea-days. The best island was San Juan, PR. I would move there in a heartbeat. We did an excursion through the rainforest and then headed back into Old San Juan which was absolutely gorgeous. I'm glad I saw Grand Turk and Nassau but I'm not sure I would ever want to go back.
We had so much fun we are already planning the next one. Unfortunately for my parents, they want to go next year around the same time, however, I am hoping to try for a baby again at the end of March which would put my due date around New Years and there is no way I can take a newborn on a cruise. Maybe when the baby is a few months older. Lets see how that all plays out. (Notice the positive thinking, haha, I really hope this IUI works this time!)
Just a few more weeks and I can order some swimmers!
We had so much fun we are already planning the next one. Unfortunately for my parents, they want to go next year around the same time, however, I am hoping to try for a baby again at the end of March which would put my due date around New Years and there is no way I can take a newborn on a cruise. Maybe when the baby is a few months older. Lets see how that all plays out. (Notice the positive thinking, haha, I really hope this IUI works this time!)
Just a few more weeks and I can order some swimmers!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Absolute Madness
How is it that a few days before leaving for vacation, my workload suddenly quadruples? Our marketing lady decided I did such a great job on the grant application that I won in October that I should do another one, this time for 8 million. Oh, and I have 1 day and half instead of the three hellish weeks I got for the last application. haha. Is she bleepin' crazy? Looks like I'm spending the next two nights here.
I decided to get some balls and reminded her that I wasn't willing to cancel my vacation and that I WILL be leaving here no later than 8am on Saturday for my 16 hour drive to Miami and I WILL have a full nights worth of sleep before I leave.
I hate it that she doesn't read the requirements for the proposal enough to realize this requires much more time to prepare. I feel bad for the client because there is no flipping way they are going to get a high-end proposal to submit with this type of time crunch. There are so many other high priority projects going on here right now, I can't even get anyone to help me out. Yes, my office is one stressful place this month.
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.
However, in 3 days I will be laying on the beach somewhere, sipping on pina coladas, man watching, and relaxing. All of this nonsense will be miles away. I can hear the waves already. ahhh.
Yesterday, I checked to make sure my first pick donor was still available and he has plenty of vials left. I have my big purchase marked on my calender for Feb. 18th, one week after my follow-up appointment with the gyno. I can't wait to be back in the game!
I decided to get some balls and reminded her that I wasn't willing to cancel my vacation and that I WILL be leaving here no later than 8am on Saturday for my 16 hour drive to Miami and I WILL have a full nights worth of sleep before I leave.
I hate it that she doesn't read the requirements for the proposal enough to realize this requires much more time to prepare. I feel bad for the client because there is no flipping way they are going to get a high-end proposal to submit with this type of time crunch. There are so many other high priority projects going on here right now, I can't even get anyone to help me out. Yes, my office is one stressful place this month.
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.
However, in 3 days I will be laying on the beach somewhere, sipping on pina coladas, man watching, and relaxing. All of this nonsense will be miles away. I can hear the waves already. ahhh.
Yesterday, I checked to make sure my first pick donor was still available and he has plenty of vials left. I have my big purchase marked on my calender for Feb. 18th, one week after my follow-up appointment with the gyno. I can't wait to be back in the game!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Untitled
We were watching Eat,Pray,Love on New Years day (great book, movie not-so-much) and in the movie Liz and her friends are around a table discussing what is the best single word that describes themselves. I remember reading this scene in the book and being driven to sheer panic because I couldn't find THAT one word. I think over the years I realized I'm not just one word, and it's OK. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure what my word(s) is/are. I guess it depends on the day. Indecisive, driven, ballsy, shy, ditsy, genius, arrogant, bossy, generous, lonely, sunshine. I realize I'm a walking contradiction. Hmm, maybe that should be my word. I guess for right now I'll go back to being untitled.
Christmas and New Years went really well. It was great spending time with the family and friends especially my friend C. who ended up having her baby on New Years day (Not the first baby of the New Year, so no free baby gear).
New years resolution:
Don't try to lose weight (Although I definitely need too);
stop playing on the internet while at work (failing miserably at it today);
pay off my car;
and finally get knocked up!
Here's to a Great New Year :)
Christmas and New Years went really well. It was great spending time with the family and friends especially my friend C. who ended up having her baby on New Years day (Not the first baby of the New Year, so no free baby gear).
New years resolution:
Don't try to lose weight (Although I definitely need too);
stop playing on the internet while at work (failing miserably at it today);
pay off my car;
and finally get knocked up!
Here's to a Great New Year :)
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