Sunday, March 28, 2010

Big Questions

So I've been saving money for a while and I have a flexible health savings acct (with up to $2000) that I can sign up for at the beginning of May and can tap into in June. I've heard from many fellow bloggers that most RE seem like they want to get you started right away which means my first full cycle would begin in May (33 days!). I really hope the IUI works on the first try, but I am realistic and understand their are many ladies who have had to make multiple attempts before acheiving a healthy pregnancy So as you can see, I'm struggling with whether I should try right away in May and still invest in the HSA, or wait until I can use the HSA in June for my first insemination. Decisions, Decisions.

So funny, maybe not so funny conversation I had yesterday. As I've said before, all of my close friends and family know that I am starting fertility treatments and have been really supportive. Last year, I started a second job at a restaurant to A) Get to know more people and B) Pay off my debt, buy a new car, and start saving money to have a child. I thought it would be a somewhat wise idea (although now Im not so sure) to slowly let other people at my second job know about my upcomming IUI. Once again everyone who knows has been supportive, but one co-worker i broke the news too blurted out "I've worked with you for a year and never knew you were a lesbian!!" Silly little man. Just because your seeking fertility treatments, doesn't necessarily mean your a lesbian or have chosen the spinster life. After explaining my reasons, he was really sweet and told me I would make a great mom. Thank god for open minded people!!!

At my "real" job, I have not told anyone. Everyone is really nice, but are ultra-christian and I have a fear that I will be fired and ridiculed on the spot. Example of the strictness of our office: A co-worker had a project that was not going well and he screamed "shit". To me, it's not a big deal, whatever, continue with my day. However, that is not how it works here. My bosses wife came running into our cluster of offices and asked us to all pray for his soul. Gotta say, I had to laugh. Seriously? Pray for his soul? He didn't kill a man! So I know I'm not from the bible belt and maybe I just don't get it but can you imagine when I come in 3-6 months pregnant and I state that I got pregnant....on purpose....artificially. Ugh. I have this feeling that I need to make a back up plan just in case, unfortunately jobs in my field are not easy to find.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Sweet beginnings

April 7th will be my first appointment with my RE. I thought I would be nervous, but I've done so much research regarding single mothers by choice and IUI, I feel calm and confident with my decision. Then again, I've been looking into this for the last 6 years, ever since my doctor discovered I had stage 2b cervical cancer. I thankfully had a doctor who thought I was to young to have a full hysterectomy. I know I will still have problems trying to conceive and go full term, but I want to give it a try before I look into adoption.

I guess over the years I thought I would just meet the right guy and I would have my fairly tale fertility ending. Unfortunately, I have recently acquired a taste for insecure a-holes. I'm completely blind to the first signs of the impending doom that lies ahead. Of course, later when I'm analyzing the relationship to death, I see all the reasons it was bound not to work. Sometimes it's not him, sometimes it's me too. I'm always working on the next plan or the next big goal in my life. I'm a dreamer. I'm sure it gets a little tiring to others, but I just don't want to leave this earth without saying I didn't try or asking the "what if's".

I'm not opposed to meeting the right guy; it will always something that I hope will come my way someday. However, I spent a good portion of my late twenties asking myself if I should wait to have kids when I marry, or should I just do it now. In a way, I've been setting my life up to where I could just do it on my own. I finished college, got a great job that pays well, excellent health insurance, average credit score (hoping to improve).

My downfall may be that my job is 6 hours away from family. I've made a few friends here, but its a lot harder to make friends when your out of college. Most of my co-workers who are my age are married with children, while the single co-workers are all in their early 20's and want to go out and party all the time. Needless to say, I don't exactly know if anyone would truly be supportive of my decision nor help me with some of the logistics of being pregnant and single. I've started to look for a support group in my area, but still haven't found one. Who knows, maybe I will start my own...

So about a year ago I got serious with my baby making plan and started to put money away and started doing some research. My family knew I had talked about it briefly when I was 26 but I definitely was not in the right position to pull it off. I got to say it was pretty scary talking to my parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles. Much to my surprised, they are so excited about it! My aunts have been really into it. I've never seen three women get so excited about sperm donation.

In February, I had my first pre-conception doctors appt with my new regular gyn. She basically confirmed what I knew all along. When they removed the cancer, they took out a lot of my cervix. As she said "wow, they took out a lot of meat". Don't know why, but the way she said it made me laugh first,and instill fear last. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn't believe they did not make me have a hysterectomy.GULP. But as she proceeded to look a round, she confirmed that I had no trace of cancerous or precancerous cells. YIPPEE. Essentially, I have a short cervix. Doc was still pretty cool about it and told me to go for it. I just started to take prenatal vitamins and started to really watch what I eat (which is not easy for me to do).

Beyond the baby talk

I've been a blog lurker for over a year now and thought it may be time to start my own. I appreciate all the information, hope, and laughs I have gained from the various blogs I frequent. I hope this blog will be helpful, not only for me, but others who relate to things going on in my life.