Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Baby Shower

My baby shower was held on Saturday at my sister's house. It was alot of fun and I was really surprised by the turnout, considering that we had to hold it on a holiday weekend. Although I got very few items that were on my registry, I got a ton of clothes and toys! I don't think I will have to buy baby clothes until he is at least 9 months old.

I said I didn't want a overly traditional shower and my sister did a really good job setting it all up. There were a few games and the food was great. The best part was seeing people who I hadn't seen in ages.

I don't know why I get so weirded out by this, but I'm not use to having all eyes on me during a party. While I was opening my presents, I couldn't stop shaking. I also got a good sense of what it's like to be stalked by the paparrazi. There were flashing camera lights all over the place. I don't think I ever want to be famous.

I now officially have everything I need for baby, with three months to spare. It's such a great feeling.

Next doctors appointment is on Friday. Let's see what fun is instore for me.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Perinatologist Appointment update

I finally had my appointment with the specialist today. The ultrasound was long and thorough. The genetics consult was....awkward. The lady kept skirting around the daddy issue. When she finally came out and asked if I knew who the father was, I provided her with the copy of the information I received from the cryogenics facility. Her reaction was "That's all you got?" uuuh yeah. I didn't know if I should be really worried that I didn't receive more information from the clinic or if I should somehow be ashamed that I used a donor. She was a very nice, professional lady but her demeanor when discussing the donor clearly made her act differently which just made me feel uncomfortable. Who knows, maybe its my hormones that made me feel that way and I can't expect everyone to be cool with my decision to use an anonymous donor.

The doctor came in and said he could completely throw the nuchal fold measurement out the window. At this point the baby's head circumference is out of the range that they would use as a comparison for the nuchal fold width (I hope I'm explaining this right). The dilated kidneys seem to have shown some signs that the issue was starting to correct itself (I did not get the measurements). He wants to continue to have it monitored but felt by the time the baby was born, this wouldn't be an issue. Then we discussed the EIF. On this ultrasound, the calcifications were not showing up as dark as bone but where definitely there. Again, it looked better on this ultrasound than it did two weeks ago. He said that could be because they used a higher resolution ultrasound today than what was used two weeks ago and it could also be attributed to the issue beginning to correct itself. He said that even if it didn't go away it should not affect the function of the heart and that it is the only Down's marker that he saw. He said the EIF, along with my age, left me with a 1 out of 200 chance of having a baby born with down's. I will gladly take those odds.

He gave me the option to go ahead and get an amnio to know for sure or do a growth scan in 4 weeks and another one 5 weeks later. I chose the growth scan after he again repeated that he felt that things would most likely rectify themselves. Overall, I feel really good about the appointment and am looking forward to sleeping through the night without waking up from worrying.

Interestingly, he told me that my circlage was considered "controversial". He told me the next time I get pregnant, he would recommend me NOT getting one because my cervix showed no signs of shortening. He also asked me to provide the names of the doctors who told me I needed it. I've been told by two doctors that I needed one due to my previous LEEP, and a third doctor that told me it wouldn't hurt to get one done. I asked if it would be better if I had it taken out but he thought we should just leave it for now. I dont know who to believe.

With all this good news this week, I can head back home to see the family without any worries. The baby shower is on Saturday and I made my sister promise to not do any belly measuring games. I already feel like a whale and I still have another 103 days to go!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Just a Brag Post

I really considered calling in sick today but I am so glad I didn't because I found out that I won another $750K in grants! That brings my winning total to $2.15 Million out of a possible $2.4 million in one year. Its a double fist bump day for me:)

Since the bosses are deciding bonuses and raises in the next week or two, I've been shamelessly promoting my big win. It may seem tacky to some but this girl has a baby on the way and nice raise and a bonus could really come in handy!

Hopefully this good news week will continue on. I have my doctors appointment tomorrow to follow up on the soft markers in my previous ultrasound. I did a good job not thinking about it over the weekend but it's been a losing battle today.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Pulled the Plug

So let's just say my conversation with my friends did not go as well as I had planned. After talking to a few other friends in our circle, there were quite a few people who felt the same way I did, so I didn't feel so bad when I made the phone call. I told them I really hadn't come up with any ideas but casually asked them what they still needed to get before the baby comes home. Alot of it was frivolous stuff that aren't "needs". Example: The crib she picked out was $700, which is insane to expect to get at a shower. Other things on her list were the day-to-day things like diapers (they got a lot at the shower but she has this crazy idea that they need a year supply). I think I did a good job explaining that when you have a baby shower, you can't expect to get everything to raise a child for the first two years, a shower is just something to get you started with the basics. She seemed to be ok with the response but about an hour after I got off the phone I received a call from another friend (who also thankfully stood their ground on the no-fundraising stance) who said she got an earful from the new mommy. Mostly, she feels that her and her husband throw these big parties and outings for our friends all the time and that we all owe them and are acting ungrateful. EEEKS! Our friend suggested that she might be going through some post-partum depression, which I thing she might be right about. I think the plan is just to let everything calm down and call them in a few days to see how the baby is doing. She RSVP'd to my baby shower on Monday (pre-phone call), which I hope she will still attend. Maybe this will all just blow over.

Monday, November 14, 2011

So Annoyed

Before, I start going on a rant, thank you to all of those who commented on my last post. I want to make sure I find at least one childrens book for children born to smc's. This is a good start.

So why am I annoyed? When I decided to try to become pregnant on my own, I tried to plan for the financial and emotional requirements of raising a child. I've saved money and have bought nearly all the necessities without feeling the need to rely on others. With that said a friend, who conceived through an IVF treatment, just had a child that was born prematurely (27wks). The baby should be release from the NICU in a month or two. We held a baby shower for them a few weeks ago because we knew, due to the situation, they hadn't had time to really purchase too many items. Last week we learned the reason they hadn't bought a thing was because they were hoping to get everything from the baby shower. I recently received a phone call informing me that they want me to help host a fundraiser to come up with the rest of the money to buy things like a crib, diapers, etc. I'm so miffed!! I could understand if it was to help to pay for medical bills but their insurance is top notch and they will not have to pay for any hospital bills. His wife is still getting short-term disability payments which provides her 3/4 of her salary so they are not really losing out on much of her salary either. They make double of what I make and have a very nice home and multiple cars. They are also known for blowing obscene amounts of money to impress others. From the outside, there seems to be no reason that they couldn't save money for the arrival of their little one and now they are expecting all their friends and family to foot the bill. I need to call them back today to tell them my ideas for a fundraiser but what I really want to do is tell them to shove it (which I'm sure that's how I'm going to phrase it and then blame it on my pregnancy hormones). What would you do? I seriously want to go off on them and tell them how irresponsible they are being.

I know I'm not painting these people in the best of light. They are both very nice and go out of the way to help our friends and family with regular acts of kindness. They are great to be around and I've never felt like they are not good friends to have. However, they are just incredible irresponsible with money.

Adding to this feeling of being annoyed, on my road trip with my asshole co-worker, he tried to make it sound like him and his wife were still together even though I was present for a phone call between him and his bank while he was trying to get her name off the mortgage. He said he could "refinance at a cheaper rate without her name on it". We had a meeting on friday where one of our clients said to him "I'm sorry to hear about your divorce" which sent asshole into a stuttering frenzy. The client then said "it's ok, I talk with my employees (which he meant more specifically our ex-intern and the person asshole is having an affair with) and they, ahem, told me all about it". Asshole was pretty quiet the rest of the meeting. Later I found out he went to the secretary and finally, after 5 years of cheating on his wife, said that he was seeing the ex-intern, however the relationship just started and he wasn't sleeping with her. YEAH, SURE!!! He also said he didn't want anyone to know because he was afraid it would ruin his reputation at work, like nobody knew this has been going on for the last few years. Duh. And the funny part is, he told this all to a person who is a notorious gossiper so now the whole staff knows. I just get so annoyed with his lying. It just makes the situation even sleazier than it needs to be and it takes all the attention off of doing what we should be doing, working, and places it all on his ridiculous antics.

Friday, November 11, 2011

When Times Get Hard, Look For the Humor In It All

I have a habit of cracking jokes even during difficult situations. Laughter is a great coping mechanism so I try to look for some humor in it all.

I received the paper work I needed to fill out for my doctors appointment. The second question under medical history was "Is the baby's father related to you?" I know that might not seem funny to some people but I have a sick sense of humor and I DO live just north of the Kentucky border where people joke around all the time about brothers marrying sister's, etc. As soon as I saw the question I had to quick text my sister and a friend. They suggested that since I really didn't know who the father is (other than the basic donor information) that I should put a question mark in the answer box. LOL. I sure hope that's not an issue:)

My doctors office provided me with the list of all things that need to be accomplished in your 6th month of pregancy. This includes signing up for birth and baby care classes, hiring a pediatrician and looking into daycare. I signed up for a "Mother and Infant" class and a breastfeeding class today but I just couldn't bring myself to sign up for the birthing class. There are no specialty classes for single moms here; they are all couple oriented. I feel like a bit of a loser for going alone and I really feel guilty about asking a friend to take time out of their lives for a two day birthing workshop. Anyone else for-go the birthing class? I know baby center has some online classes maybe I will test them out.

Next step is finding a daycare provider and a pediatrician. I don't know why I have this incredible desire to procrastinate on this but I do.

I finally found a baby memory book for single moms that conceive through donors! The book, made by Tessera, was a little costly but so worth it!! I can't believe there aren't more books out on the market like this. Seems like a new business opportunity to me. Now I'm just on a hunt for children books that relate to being born to SMC's. Any suggestions?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

It's Going to Be a Long Week and a Half

The appointment with the fetal-maternal specialist is scheduled for the 22nd, 4 days before my baby shower. The nurse really wouldn't give me any details other than it will include an ultrasound and a meeting with a genetics counselor. She said it should last around 2-3 hours. I'm just hoping that the appointment will lead to an answer because I can't imagine being able to keep it together at the shower without knowing. I can barely keep it together right now. I bounce back-and-forth between thinking "everything is going to be ok" to "worst-case scenario". It's mentally exhausting. I would give anything for a week long vacation were I could just stay in my pajamas all day and hang out on the couch with my dog and the remote.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Google is the Enemy

I refused to google the results of my ultrasound yesterday but broke down around 4am when I couldn't sleep. Big mistake. I'm just more confused and anxious. One site tells me the risk of Down's and Edward's syndrome go up with the three markers. Another site tells me that this all means essentially nothing while another, which was someone's blog, stated that her baby demonstrated no markers yet her baby has down's. DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!

I'm trying to keep a positive spirit but by the time I got out of work, I decided to take the dog for a walk and then go directly to bed so I could avoid any family phone calls. After my intense google research, I decided to tell my parents what was going on. My Mom made me feel a little better but we both fully understand the magnitude of living with a person who has a mental disability. I think if I didn't know what it was like I might not freak out as much as I am, but I know how difficult it was for my grandparents to care for my Aunt Maggie. For all I know these markers don't mean a damn thing and are a complete fluke but if there not, I want to be as prepared as possible. My Mom and I both agreed that if the specialists suggests an amnio, I'm going for it. There is no way I could go through with the rest of this pregnancy without knowing.

Now I'm just waiting on the phone call from the specialist. I wish they would hurry up with this appointment so I can calm my mind down.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Not Panicking But Losing My Cool

I finally had my follow up ultrasound this morning. The good news is that the baby remained in the perfect position to get all the measurements that were needed for the anatomy scan. I even got some great profile pics and one fantastic confirmation pic that showed, without a doubt, that I'm carrying a boy.

The bad news needs to be put in a list because it, overall, was not the appointment I was hoping for.

1) Not only is baby boy's tubes that leads from his kidneys are dilated, but he also shows calcification in his heart and also had a higher measurement for the nuchal fold (did I say that right?). I'm being sent to a specialist to investigate more. My Dr said this could be a sign that there is a chromosomal disorder or it could mean absolutely nothing, just measurements and the angle of the pictures were misleading. I'm still banking on nothing but I'm definitely more concerned about it, especially when she started talking about possibly having me go in for an amnio. I almost started to cry when she started going through everything but I held it together when she said she had to give me the "worst case" scenario speech and that it didn't necessarily mean it will happen.

2) Up till the beginning of October I hadn't gained more than a pound or two. I weighed myself this morning and realized I had gained 10 lbs in a month!! The doctors office confirmed the weight gain too. Looks like tonight I will be re-evaluating what is in my refridgerator and cupboards. I know with the stress of finishing yet another high-profile grant application caused me to eat a lot of fast food so, hopefully, if I convert back to my traditional eating habits I can control my weight gain for the rest of the pregnancy.

3) My blood pressure was so much higher than what it normally is. I think my last appointment had me at 117/73. This appointment it was 147/78. Since I gained a lot of weight and my blood pressure is all wonky, they are sending me into get the dreaded glucose test next Friday.

Overall it was a lot to take in during one appointment. I'm trying to keep my wits about everything but I can't help but to teeter on the edge of despair. The eating habits are a piece of cake (excuse the pun) to correct, but the chromosomal abnormalities and possibly the blood pressure issue may be uncorrectable. If you have received similar results but had a great turnout, PLEASE share your story with me. I could really use the positive feedback.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Consolation Prize

I didn't get the job. It sounds like they decided to go with someone with less experience (which I'm kind of surprised by, maybe I'm too expensive?). I'm bummed out about it because I'm sure that was the last chance to find a new job before the baby is born. On the bright side I took a small portion of the money that I was saving for the move and put it towards the cadillac of strollers, a Bumbleride indie in Seagrass. I've been eyeing it up for quite awhile but could never pull the trigger on buying something so expensive. My train of thought on the purchase is as follows (or in other words, how I lied to myself to make the purchase justifiable):

1)Most people buy a travel stroller but really only use it until the baby outgrows the infant carrier and then they switch to an umbrella stroller because its lighter and easier to maneuver. This stroller weighs less than 20 lbs (like an umbrella stroller)and I can use it with an infant carrier if I need to. The best part is I don't even need the infant carrier because the stroller seat fully reclines for an infant.

2) I love going for long walks, many of which are not on even terrain so I would eventually need to purchase a jogging stroller. Bam! This works as a jogging stroller.

In a long about way, I'm hoping I'm saving myself money in the long run by not needing to buy two or three strollers to meet my needs. I still registered for a Chicco lightweight stroller when I travel and am short on space. The bumbleride does not fold into a nice compact size.

My rational could totally be off but it's my one big splurge for the baby. All the other things I've purchased have been super cheap so I think I can forgive myself. Let's see how I feel about it in a couple of months :)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Pins and Needles

I still haven't heard back from the company that I interviewed with last Friday. The wait is killing me! It's like I'm reliving the dreaded 2ww all over again. I have those moments where I think to myself there is no way that I didn't get the job and the next minute I think they would have called already if they liked me. What makes it even worse is that I contacted a lot of potential apartment complexes to find is place to live. Everytime I see a phone number from that area I get all jumpy because I think its the job calling only to find out it's an apartment complex returning my call. It's nerve racking.

So I know I've been joking around about baby names but I think I need to start getting a little more serious about the big decision. I hoping you ladies can help. Here is my list so far:

1. Nolan
2. Liam
3. Wyatt
4. Finn
5. Leo
6. Oliver

I absolutely love the name Nolan but my sister's son is named Logan and I'm a little concerned that the two names sounding too similar. Liam is getting really popular around these parts and I don't want my son to have to deal with all the problems that are associated with a common name. Leo is a great name that a couple of friends have suggested, however, that is my infertility doctors name and I don't want anyone to think I named my son after the Doctor that helped me to get knocked up. Too weird. I love the name Finn but my aunt just named her new puppy Finley but they call her Finn for short. I can just imagine my Aunt yelling at the dog (she does that alot and its scary) and having my son think she is yelling at him. Plus having a dog and child named almost the same thing is not right. I love the name Oliver, but my co-worker that just had her twins prematurely named one of her sons the same name. Of course, if I get the new job and am able to move away from here that won't matter. The only name that doesn't have some crazy issue surrounding it is Wyatt and I do like it but am not sure if Im completely sold on the name like I am with the name Nolan.

Man do I sound crazy hormonal and neurotic in that last paragraph!!