Friday, March 26, 2010

Sweet beginnings

April 7th will be my first appointment with my RE. I thought I would be nervous, but I've done so much research regarding single mothers by choice and IUI, I feel calm and confident with my decision. Then again, I've been looking into this for the last 6 years, ever since my doctor discovered I had stage 2b cervical cancer. I thankfully had a doctor who thought I was to young to have a full hysterectomy. I know I will still have problems trying to conceive and go full term, but I want to give it a try before I look into adoption.

I guess over the years I thought I would just meet the right guy and I would have my fairly tale fertility ending. Unfortunately, I have recently acquired a taste for insecure a-holes. I'm completely blind to the first signs of the impending doom that lies ahead. Of course, later when I'm analyzing the relationship to death, I see all the reasons it was bound not to work. Sometimes it's not him, sometimes it's me too. I'm always working on the next plan or the next big goal in my life. I'm a dreamer. I'm sure it gets a little tiring to others, but I just don't want to leave this earth without saying I didn't try or asking the "what if's".

I'm not opposed to meeting the right guy; it will always something that I hope will come my way someday. However, I spent a good portion of my late twenties asking myself if I should wait to have kids when I marry, or should I just do it now. In a way, I've been setting my life up to where I could just do it on my own. I finished college, got a great job that pays well, excellent health insurance, average credit score (hoping to improve).

My downfall may be that my job is 6 hours away from family. I've made a few friends here, but its a lot harder to make friends when your out of college. Most of my co-workers who are my age are married with children, while the single co-workers are all in their early 20's and want to go out and party all the time. Needless to say, I don't exactly know if anyone would truly be supportive of my decision nor help me with some of the logistics of being pregnant and single. I've started to look for a support group in my area, but still haven't found one. Who knows, maybe I will start my own...

So about a year ago I got serious with my baby making plan and started to put money away and started doing some research. My family knew I had talked about it briefly when I was 26 but I definitely was not in the right position to pull it off. I got to say it was pretty scary talking to my parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles. Much to my surprised, they are so excited about it! My aunts have been really into it. I've never seen three women get so excited about sperm donation.

In February, I had my first pre-conception doctors appt with my new regular gyn. She basically confirmed what I knew all along. When they removed the cancer, they took out a lot of my cervix. As she said "wow, they took out a lot of meat". Don't know why, but the way she said it made me laugh first,and instill fear last. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn't believe they did not make me have a hysterectomy.GULP. But as she proceeded to look a round, she confirmed that I had no trace of cancerous or precancerous cells. YIPPEE. Essentially, I have a short cervix. Doc was still pretty cool about it and told me to go for it. I just started to take prenatal vitamins and started to really watch what I eat (which is not easy for me to do).

Beyond the baby talk

I've been a blog lurker for over a year now and thought it may be time to start my own. I appreciate all the information, hope, and laughs I have gained from the various blogs I frequent. I hope this blog will be helpful, not only for me, but others who relate to things going on in my life.


Mama Time Bomb said...

Wow, what an amazing story about your cervical cancer. I'm glad you can still try! I have a friend who was just diagnosed at age 41, and she is having a hysterectomy. While she didn't necessarily want to be a mom, it has still affected her deeply due to what a change it will bring to her life (early menopause, feeling like "I'm old"). Good luck with everything!

BTW, I like your profile description of the "Yes, we can" decade, lol...

hopeful said...

Congratulations on your decision! I can definitely relate to that calm feeling. Your story is so inspiring-- someone was really looking out for you when they decided not to do a hysterectomy.

Good Luck April 7th! I'll be following along to see how it all goes.

The Constant Planner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lorelei said...

I have to say when they told me I had cervical cancer and it might prevent me from having kids, I seriously thought of suicide. At 26, I never realized I wanted kids that badly until I was faced with the possibility that it might not be an option. Nothing like the big guy slapping you in the ovaries:)

Me Plus One said...

Wow, your story is inspirational...I look foward to following your journey (I'm a newbie SMC)

p.s. Lorelei is on my baby name list :)

Hera said...

Welcome to the online world of us SMC'ers! I think you're making a great decision considering their may be issues with your fertility. My thought is with IUI who cares what the cervix is like! :-)
Good luck and keep us posted!