Santa's Coming!

I am SO ready for xmas! Er, well I still have two presents to take care of but for the most part, I'm ready. Ready to spend time with family and friends. Ready to start baking desserts and xmas dinner. Ready for a glass of wine (or two).

Looking back I really thought this might be a "baby's first xmas" but that of course will not occur. It makes me sad. I only tried twice and I know I need a couple more attempts under my belt before I should give up all hope. I still struggle with my fears; do I have enough time for a child? Can afford this? How will this affect my job and my relationship with family and friends?

I can still walkaway from this.

But I won't.

I still have a closet full of baby items that I purchased during my naive days. The days were I felt invinsible. Man I feel so stupid for doing that, I just was so sure it was going to happen...fast. You live and learn I guess. So new goals have been put in place. Next year I will have a baby on the way and that is that. Just hoping I wont have to repeat this type of statement next year.

++++

I still couldn't get into the gyno any earlier so I made a visit to my internist. I do have a small abdominal mass. He thinks it just a large ovarian cyst. No explanation for the quivering sensation I feel in the area. No explantion for the feeling like I've done a hundered sit-ups and my abdominal muscles are sore. It's bizzare. I had a large ovarian cyst in June, and I don't recall feeling like this.

I guess I'm just going to go with the flo and enjoy the holidays.

I hope everyone has a great christmas!