The day has come to start my first cycle and I just can't get myself to make the phone call to my RE. What happened? Last month I was so ready to start trying (but couldn't because of work commitments) and now I can't stop second guessing my decision. I want Gavin to have a sibling but I know adding another baby into the mix is going to turn our life upside down. I'm sure it will be a "good" upside down, but I can't get over how I will deal with the logistical issues like getting two kids ready in the morning, grocery shopping, traveling 6 hours to my parents house, etc. I want to wait until I sort out all of these anxieties but now I have all these meds sitting in my refrigerator inching it's way to their expiration date.
At first glance, waiting one more month before I start trying wont be the end of the world but then again I do feel like my body is still in the"Now or Never" state, after all, I'm not getting any younger. Going forward is such a monumental decision that doesn't just affect me, it affects Gavin as well, it's hard to know whether having baby two right now is the right decision.
The RE wants us to call on CD 1 but it's okay to call the first thing in the morning of CD 2. That leaves me with 17 hours to decide what I want to do.