The day has come to start my first cycle and I just can't get myself to make the phone call to my RE. What happened? Last month I was so ready to start trying (but couldn't because of work commitments) and now I can't stop second guessing my decision. I want Gavin to have a sibling but I know adding another baby into the mix is going to turn our life upside down. I'm sure it will be a "good" upside down, but I can't get over how I will deal with the logistical issues like getting two kids ready in the morning, grocery shopping, traveling 6 hours to my parents house, etc. I want to wait until I sort out all of these anxieties but now I have all these meds sitting in my refrigerator inching it's way to their expiration date.
At first glance, waiting one more month before I start trying wont be the end of the world but then again I do feel like my body is still in the"Now or Never" state, after all, I'm not getting any younger. Going forward is such a monumental decision that doesn't just affect me, it affects Gavin as well, it's hard to know whether having baby two right now is the right decision.
The RE wants us to call on CD 1 but it's okay to call the first thing in the morning of CD 2. That leaves me with 17 hours to decide what I want to do.
3 comments:
Just cathing up on blogs for the first time in such a long time and it happens to be the day that you post. I think that's a sign. :)
While I certainly can't speak to how to take care of a toddler and a newborn at the same time, I can speak to how to manage 2 on your own at the same time: you just do. You figure it out. At the beginning of this year I had to get myself ready for work and two 2year-olds out the door every morning and I had serious anxiety. And then I just did it. Grocery shopping was another challenge but I found a place with a cart basket that could fit 2 toddlers. It probably sounds strange to some people but these things can cause anxiety to the organized single moms that you and I are! And somehow, it just works. For me, what helps is more prep the night before and sticking to routines.
If you are having other doubts, I get that too and I don't envy you having to make such a big decision. But if you think you can't manage the logistics of two at once, I'm here to tell you I'm sure you can. :)
It's perfectly normal to have doubts about #2...I've been flip flopping on this issue for ages; it's kind of like, no one can blame you for wanting one child, but is wanting two "pushing it"? Is it really exponentially harder? I guess we'll find out, huh? To me the benefits of at least trying far outweigh a lifetime of "what ifs", though. Good luck to you!
This is such a huge decision. I find myself already thinking about having a second baby, but when it comes down to actually making that appointment... I don't know what I'll do, either. I mean, my *dog* was incredibly jealous when I brought a baby home; to think of what the baby (well, hopefully 3-4 year old by then) will feel if I bring a new baby home... Yikes! I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. And in terms of logistics - I think if it's doable with one, it must be doable with two. But yeah, I haven't had to figure that out yet, either!
Best of luck with this monumental decision. :)
Post a Comment