Two ladies that I follow and respect tremendously wrote conflicting blog posts yesterday that got me thinking.
I only know of two SMC's that I follow who hit the jackpot and got pregnant and carried full-term on their first attempt. I hoped and prayed that I would be that lucky but sometimes you need more than praying and hoping. I'm not alone and I follow many others who have struggled and put their bodies through hell (some who still continue today) just to make their dream to become a mother a reality. Personally, I have had severe widget envy, I have cried and asked the heavens when it would be my turn when I saw a new pregnancy announcement, and I got mad when my 19 year old drug-using neice got knocked up by accident and wanted to get an abortion even though she knew I was trying to have a child (which she thankfully did not follow through with the abortion). In the beginning my doctor told me he wouldn't perform more than 3 IUI's and would insist on me moving to IVF if the third attempt failed. As that third IUI failed, I was left panick-stricken that I might have to give up on my dream because there was no way I could ever finance IVF in the next year.
But I'm not alone.
My three closest friends, two who I have known since 3rd grade, have struggled/still struggle to have children. Carrie got pregnant and announced to the world that she was expecting only to have to call everyone back 2 days later to tell them that she miscarried at 10wks. She went on to have a successful pregnancy only to follow that up with another miscarriage a year later. After numerous tests she found out she had blood disorder and a progesterone issue. This diagnosis finally allowed her to have her 2nd child. She is terrified to try for a third because she can't bear the thought of losing another child. Sara and her husband have been trying to have a child for over 9 years (yes, 9yrs) with no success. With the lack of funds and health insurance (she owns her own business), IF treatments are not an option for her. Meghan and her husband have been trying for over a year with only a chemical pregnancy to show for it. They have been recently diagnosed with unexplained fertility issues and have been stuggling with how to move forward (let nature take its course, IF treatments, adoption).
Although they are all married, they have walked in my shoes of heartache,longing, and fear.
Announcing my pregnancy to them was not easy (maybe not so bad when I called Carrie) and honestly made me scared that I would say something wrong and hurt their feelings with my good news. But like the SMC community, they all were supportive because they have experienced many of the same emotions that I have felt over the years. I admit, Sara was the last person I called even though I consider her my best friend. I didn't want to make her feel bad or give her the impression I was rubbing it in her face. When I told her, she cried (which got me crying) and told me she was so excited that it finally worked for me. Since that conversation, she has called me for the updates, when she is ready. I try to spare her the moments when I want to cry and complain because I can't stop being sick or that I constantly feel like I'm being kicked in my lady bits because I am so swollen. I do this because I don't want to seem ungrateful and I remember when Carrie finally got pregnant after her miscarriages and how I was excited for her and sad for myself all at the same time.
Even when you've finally gotten pregnant, you don't forget what the pain was like when you were struggling to conceive. No one ever forgets.
But isn't it worse to not want to include those who are closest to you in the most important event that has ever occured in my life?
And that doesn't just include my close friends, it includes the people that have commented on my blog. Those who supported me when I stupidly let the drugs make me think that I was pregnant when I was not; those who have helped me to see that becoming a SMC was the right thing for me when I had doubts; those SMC's who already have children and are honest about their experiences and have shown me that you will have your good days and your bad days with your children; those who have gotten pregnant only to loose their beautiful baby at 18 weeks making me realize nothing is for sure.
I haven't forgotten, I have only learned.
But just like the other stages leading up to my pregnancy, I want to talk about it. I'm single and I don't have a husband to talk to. I have you. My followers. For those at the same point or have gone on to have a child, I read what you go through and absorb the experiences you write about like a sponge. For those who are in the same place I was three months ago, I can relate to those feelings and I hope you feel encouraged by my support, like I once was by the many women who have left comments on my blog.
I hope that those who follow my blog and those whom I follow understand that I need to read your words, regardless of what stage of the process you are in. It helps me keep a even perspective on things, it keeps me surefooted and driven. I'm sure many others use the smc blogging community in the same manner. If we become enemies because of jealousy or a lack of understanding/compassion for anothers stage in the journey, we will all lose.
Regardless of where your life takes you, you will never forget