I wish I had the ability to stop time. Since going back to work I feel like I can't just enjoy the moment because there is just so much that needs to get done yet I want to steal every moment I can with Gavin. The few hours I have with him a day is not enough; I feel like I'm missing out on all of his milestones. I'm having a hard time creating a balance between the baby, myself, family, friends and work. I feel like no matter what I do something always is left undone. I couldn't careless about getting the dishes done every night, laundry or other little things. Its my commitments to family, friends, and my job that gets to me. My friends and family are well aware that if they call and I don't pick up or call them back right away, its probably due to me focusing my attentions on Gavin. They are ok with it but I feel like I'm neglecting them. Work is a whole other beast. The new promotion has increased my work load. I can handle the increase of work but I'm such a perfectionist that I feel like I'm not completing my work up to my usual standards because I'm not spending that extra time on my projects like I use too. As for taking care of myself, I'm lucky if I have enough time to put makeup on in the morning. The last few nights I've been so tired that I just fell asleep in my work clothes. I know I need to stop neglecting myself so I can take better care of Gavin but I just haven't quite figured out how to do it yet.
My newest project was given to me in shambles. My old manager started it while I was out on maternity leave and then he passed it back to me when I got back. He made promises to the town council president that he would create a website for the project along with a couple of other promises yet never told me about the promises and he never completed the tasks himself. The last few days I've been scrambling to make things right again but I just feel like every time I correct the mistakes something else comes up. I'm just hoping I caught all these mistakes because I can't just come in on the weekends to work and get caught up like I use too. Our client service manager knows that the old manager should have taken care of these items back in early April and has been so pissed about the situation that he told me today that he would like me to join him in a discussion with the owner to get the old manager fired. I hope I'm not going to regret this but I told the client service manager that he would have to do it on his own if he hoped to get anything done about it. They haven't listened to me in the past and I don't think it will be any better now. I also think the old manager and I are finally in a place were we can talk again and be respectful to one another. I don't know if I'm ready to rock the boat only to throw me overboard in the end. Thankfully, the client service manager is very well respected in our office so I can't imagine the owner is going to blow off their discussion.