Yes that is me today. I might be raked over the coals for this post, but I think it needs to be said.
I don't know if others have experience this as well but since I've had Gavin and everyone knows I conceived him using a donor, people ask alot of questions and are rather intrigued by it. I love that people ask questions. I know a couple of the older guys around here thought that I had gotten married and didn't tell anyone and a couple more that thought that I had gotten preggo's through a one-night stand. Since I have been so open about Gavin's conception, many of these rumors were dispelled immediately.
We have a couple of younger girls hired recently and one has been really fascinated with my SMC status. Although I just met her on Monday, she has told me her life story. She's a nice girl but her story is starting to become a familiar tale on some of the SMC forums I visit which I find really concerning. She's in her mid-twenties, just graduated college and in a world of debt and now looking to become a SMC. I made the mistake of telling her how our insurance makes IUI's a fairly inexpensive procedure which has made her even more determined to go for it. I don't doubt that she will be a good mother but I really want to talk her out of it. She has creditors calling for her at work daily so I know she is financially hurting. She has an old beater of a car that isn't going to make it much longer and she has just moved into her first apartment (with a roommate). She is barely surviving on her own. She is in no position to raise a baby on her own. Furthermore, we all know the chance of conceiving multiples when using fertility treatments.
Don't get me wrong, I could understand trying to become an SMC in your twenties if you had a medical condition that would affect your fertility if you waited till you were more settled in your life and career. But to do it because you can.... with little thought of how you are going to support that child is just wrong. I hate to blow her bubble but a baby can't survive soley on love. Granted, at some point in all our lifes we are all likely to hit a rough patch in our lifes that we will have to dig ourselves out of but to start off trying to become a SMC when you already way in the red is just irresponsible.
Is this new trend just a by-product of all of those SMC hollywood movies? Did they make the life of a SMC look too glamorous? Do these girls think this is just a gateway to landing a husband? I'm glad these movies were made because they helped the general public to understand what SMC's are but I don't like the idea that many young women seem to make it the first option if they don't get married by the time they are 25. Give it time girls, there are still some great men out there!!
She called me over the weekend to ask more questions and I explained to her that I knew I would eventually become a SMC at age 27 if I hadn't met anyone by the time I was 32. I also made a plan at that point on how to make my life ready to accomodate such a large responsibility. I feel like she didn't hear a word I said and I am really frustrated by it. She already has an appointment scheduled with the RE in three weeks to discuss her options and I am terrified by the idea that she is going to go through with this.
A part of me worries about that unborn child and another part of me selfishly worries about irresponsible, young SMC's ruining the imagine of what SMC's are today. Educated, independent professionals that exhausted are options of finding a mate only to decide to wait no longer and take the courageous decision to have a child on our own prior to the demise of our fertility. If these young girls goes through with the IUI and conceives a chid only to immediately end up on goverment assistance, us SMC's would never hear the end of it. My worst fear is if there are too many irresponsible SMC's, regardless of age, goverment would begin to prevent single women the opportunity to conceive through the use of IF methods which would be a tragedy.
I shouldn't pick on her because of her age. I would feel the same way if she was a 40 year old women in the same financial crisis. Hell, I felt that way about my parents when they decided to purposely get pregnant, not once but twice, when we could barely put food on the table and were bouncing from home to home. As a child who grew up in poverty, I would never wish it for another child.
Right now I can only hope she really thinks this through. Contrary to what I've written, I do want to be supportive of her decision but I am just praying that I can get her to see the benefits of waiting until her life is more stable.
gahhh.....I should just change the title of my blog to the Perpetual Rant.