I know it may be too soon to start thinking about having another child but I've been thinking about it for almost a month already. I promised myself and family members that I would wait until Gavin turned two but I thought I would start laying the ground work by calling the cryogenic facility to make sure Gavin's donor was still available. I wasn't planning on buying any vials for at least another year but that intention changed within a matter of seconds of making the phone call. I'm so glad I called when I did because there were only 8 vials left. Was it important that Gavin have a full-blood sibling? I struggled with it for a day. I had the money to cover the cost of 6 vials but that would wipe out the majority of my savings account. I hate the idea of putting Gavin and I at risk for the possiblity of a child that may or maynot exist in the future. However, after discussing the problem with a couple of friends and family members I decided to bite the bullet and purchase the 6 vials. I got pregnant with Gavin within two attempts with this donor so hopefully I will have similar luck. It would be really nice if I could get pregnant on the first try so I would have a couple vials left for a possible third child but I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself by thinking about a third child.
To cover the shortage in my savings account, I refinanced my car. I should have refinanced so much sooner because I got a loan that charged 8% less interest. It's crazy that I now pay almost $100+ dollars less a month and will still pay off my car at the same time.
I'm going back to work in a week. To say I'm dreading it is an understatement. The thought of missing some of Gavin's firsts drives me crazy. I wished I lived in Canada so that I could stay home a bit longer. He's really starting to become more fun. I read him a curious George book the other day and he was just cracking up. I never thought the idea of being a stay at home mom was appealing but now I totally get it. I think it's time to start playing the lottery or looking for a rich guy who will want to financially support the two of us :)
I still want to look for another job but I recently resigned my lease for my townhouse and will now have to stay here until July of 2013 unless I want to pay $1400 to break my lease. I just hope work will be a better environment although now that I wont be able to work extended hours to get projects completed I'm sure there will be alot more pressure on me.
I don't know if any one has experienced this after they had a child but I feel so much more calm now. It's like everything in my life has just fallen into place. I've been working towards having a child for seven years. I finished school, got a great paying job, paid off my debt, and set my life up to accomodate raising a child. And now he's finally here and I just want enjoy every minute of this. It's strange for me not to have this constant pressure to acheive a goal. I currently don't have a personal goal. I'm kind of afraid to create one because I don't want to lose this sense of calmness yet I feel like I won't be a good role model for Gavin if I let my life become stagnant. I know this may sound strange to some people but that constant drive to succeed has been a part of my identity for so long, if I don't have that drive anymore, who am I?