Thursday, May 17, 2012

Open Conversation

I appreciate the comments left on my previous post.  Some of them were eye-opening and gave me some things to think about. 

Surlymama, I by far don't feel that a woman needs to be wealthy to have a child but I think one should be financially stable and be able to provide the basics a child needs once he or she is born (shelter, food, clothing).  I stick by my's irresponsible and rather selfish and blindly impulsive to go and spend hundreds to thousands of dollars (on credit cards if she goes through it in this case) to get pregnant when that person hasn't thought far enough in advance to know how they are going to support their future child(ren) .  I feel this way about married people too. I find it disturbing that so many people in our country don't prepare for such a big decision.  As I said in my last post, a person can't always control the crap that comes their way (car breaks down, laid off from work) but as a single parent those effects are much more devastating than it is for a two parent household. Future planned-to-be single parents need to make an effort to prepare for those events. If a woman goes into becoming a smc in severe debt, it's not going to get any easier to overcome that debt once you have another mouth to feed.

W, my co-worker, and I have had  a couple of conversations since I wrote my previous post.  I invited her over to dinner Wednesday night and she got an opportunity to meet my son.  I think it helped reaffirm that she wants to become a smc but inadvertently, I think it helped her to get a reality check of what it all entails. I gave her all the SMC related books I read prior to actively trying to have Gavin.  I know a lot of them helped me answer questions I had.  We also had a little fun looking at some of the different cryogenic facilities websites.  Man that brought back some memories of late nights searching through the different profiles.  I have to say that by the end of the night I had a little more confidence that she was really thinking about everything and not just trying to leap in.  I am still encouraging her to go see my RE so she can get more information specific to her fertility.  I have a feeling that Dr. B will have a similar conversation with her that he had with me.  He asked why I wanted to get pregnant on my own and after doing blood work, covered what my chance of conceiving without IF treatments.  I think if she finds out that her chance of conception is really high (which at 24 it should be) she may not feel so rushed.  Information is power. 

Sadly, she said one of her main reasons for wanting to do this is because she's lonely. It was heartbreaking.  I want to help her not feel so lonely but all I can really offer is an ear right now.  I don't know if its enough so I'm thinking about getting a group of people together after work at a local restaurant.  I'm hoping that will  help her meet more people in the office and get her more acclimated to living here.

Gavin found his hands this week.  He's so funny about it.  He sticks his arms straight out and opens and closes his little pudgy little hands while staring at them with his eyes wide opened.  He loves taking a bath and has been in the habit of getting mad at me when I take him out of the tub.  Last night, I decided to let him lounge in the tub after he was all washed up until his little feet got all pruny.  When I finally took him out he was so happy and sleepy that he fell asleep as soon as I dried him off and got him in his pajamas.  Then he proceeded to sleep 12 hours straight!!  I am going to try this again tonight to see if this is the magic anecdote to making him sleep well.

Since I quit breastfeeding, Gavin has been growing like a weed!  I took him to the doctors office yesterday and he was up to 14lbs 4 oz.  That's nearly 3 1/2 pounds in a month.  We didn't check his height but considering I had to move his car seat shoulder straps up to the second hole, I have a feeling he has to be at least 2 inches taller.  If he keeps going at this rate I will have to move him in to his 6-9 month outfits by the beginning of June.  I wish I could stop time!


Anonymous said...

I agree with you, it takes an awful lot of money to rear children. I have four and have put three through university, it is probably the equivalent of a house mortgage.I think that children deserve the best, they will see other children who are affluent and they wont thank you for the home made clothes and hand me downs.

Anonymous said...

For me, what was 'scariest' about your co-worker is that she is thinking of having a kid because she was lonely. Having a child doesn't mean instanteous companionship. Especially when they are really little. They can't communicate and you can't really go out because you are the caregiver. heck, I LOVE Elsie but there are moments when I need adult companionship (and I am not refering to the x-rated or pg13-rated kind. :)

I think you are doing great helping her make a fully informed decision by giving her the books and letting her see your life, etc.

Good job!!

And yea for hands!! Aren't they too cool?! :)

Tiara said...

So nice to hear that Gavin is growing like a weed! Elena was the same way with the bath & she still loves it!