The flood gates opened yesterday morning. It was just painful to call the RE's office for a second time in one week to tell them that I am CD 1. This failure of a cycle has really put me into a funk. I know now that I am definitely experiencing some form of depression. I just can't shake the feeling that this may not ever work out for me. The number 3 keeps jumping out at me. Doc B said if it didn't work within three tries it may never work and that I would need move on to IVF, if its an option I could financially handle. This is what he said to me a year ago, before I started my first IUI cycle.
I don't want to talk to family and friends about all this. My friend S has been trying for about a 8 yrs now (without the help of a physician) so I feel bad whining to her about this. My parents and my overly fertile sister will just say that I'm only 33 and I have plenty of time. I just feel alone in my misery.
I have all these questions that are swirling around my head. Was there an embryo? Did it just not implant? Is my progesterone just to low? What's going on?
When I spoke to the nurse yesterday, I asked her if they could mess with my cycle to make me have a CD 1 a week later than normal so I can try again in June instead of August. They said yes and gave me bcps that I can start this weekend. A part of me wants to try as soon as possible but another part of me just wants to wait until august. At least I have either option available now.
To keep my mind off of things I made a promise to myself that I would lose 10lbs and put $2k in my savings before I try another cycle. I hope this will give me something else to obsess over and make me rise above my sadness.