I refused to google the results of my ultrasound yesterday but broke down around 4am when I couldn't sleep. Big mistake. I'm just more confused and anxious. One site tells me the risk of Down's and Edward's syndrome go up with the three markers. Another site tells me that this all means essentially nothing while another, which was someone's blog, stated that her baby demonstrated no markers yet her baby has down's. DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!
I'm trying to keep a positive spirit but by the time I got out of work, I decided to take the dog for a walk and then go directly to bed so I could avoid any family phone calls. After my intense google research, I decided to tell my parents what was going on. My Mom made me feel a little better but we both fully understand the magnitude of living with a person who has a mental disability. I think if I didn't know what it was like I might not freak out as much as I am, but I know how difficult it was for my grandparents to care for my Aunt Maggie. For all I know these markers don't mean a damn thing and are a complete fluke but if there not, I want to be as prepared as possible. My Mom and I both agreed that if the specialists suggests an amnio, I'm going for it. There is no way I could go through with the rest of this pregnancy without knowing.
Now I'm just waiting on the phone call from the specialist. I wish they would hurry up with this appointment so I can calm my mind down.