It's taken me a full week to come down from all the craziness from last week. The injectables made it really difficult to process everything, making me just a big emotional mess. After I put Gavin to bed, I spend most my night still wondering why this all happened, did I do the right thing, should I do more to prevent this from happening to other kids. I don't know if I will ever know any of the answers to these questions.
Gavin seems to be doing well at the new daycare. He still has a hard time when I leave him but when I call an hour later he is totally OK. Last night he didn't even want to leave because he was too busy flirting with a little girl. I didn't realize I would have to start the whole "No dating until your 16" thing so quickly!
I had my back-to-back IUI's on the 17th and 18th. They both went so smoothly and uneventful. For the first time in 10 iui's, the nurse allowed me to watch her process the donor sperm. I'm a total science dork so this was right up my alley and really made my day. She said the process was taking a lot longer than normal and then told me that this was the most sperm she has ever seen in a frozen sample, causing it to to thaw more slowly. Even better, I found out I have three mature follicles (2) 23's and one 21. I am hoping that this means I'm about to get a nice big positive pregnancy test on July 1st. Then again I want to be pregnant but I don't want multiples!!
Trying for a second child is so different than my experience trying for my first. I'm just not on pins and needles, analyzing every little twinge and cramp like I did before. I'm not consumed by this cycle to the point that I have allowed myself to enjoy a glass of wine last night and on Sunday night. That would have never happened when I was trying for Gavin. NO WAY.
I guess in some ways, I am using some reverse psychology on myself. The cycle I got pregnant with Gavin, I kind of gave up a couple times, convincing myself it wouldn't work and that I should not even get my hopes up. That mindset kept me a lot calmer than my previous attempts. This time, I was so nonchalant that I actually forgot what time my IUI was going to be at on Monday. I had to call and ask for the appointment time again.
While the smooth sailing IUI's helped me get some reprieve from my recent sadness, being able to tell the world that I was one of the key players in helping a community win $19.5 million (YES, NINETEEN AND HALF MILLION DOLLARS!!!!) on Monday has made me feel like I'm on top of the world!!! I still can't believe it, but I can't think of a better community that deserve to win this money. They are one of the few cities that I know of that, even if the public, local business leaders, and elected officials disagree, they still stand behind and support each other in everything they do. I wish some of our state and federal government would take sometime and learn the art of compromise from these amazing people!